A family built through adoption.

I experienced foster to adopt as a sister, but it's so much different as a parent. Ryan and I talked a lot about this decision to build our family this way, it meant a lot to both of us. I am lucky to have married someone like Ryan...we were definitely meant for each other. It's a long process to get licensed through the state, and one we kept private. We wanted the emphasis to be on our child, and not being foster parents. As my Dad told me this last weekend "Just wait til everyone says what a good person you are, and thanking you for adopting. But we are the lucky ones, blessed with these children, not the other way around". We've heard it, and it's what we hoped to avoid by not sharing until we got Baby "M". She is our focus!

The love part is easy. Being a family is easy. It's normal and perfect to us. The hard part is the conversations with others. I think everyone is well-meaning, has positive intentions and is interested in our story. But I have to share what makes this journey hard for me as a Mom.

"What happened to her REAL Mom and Dad?"
Ryan and I are M's REAL Mom and Dad. We are not her BIOLOGICAL Mom and Dad. We kiss her boo-boos. We rock her to sleep. We teach her to crawl, and to play, and we love her. We are Mommy and Daddy. Casey is her big brother. From the moment she was placed in my arms, she was mine. Just as Casey, when placed in my arms in the hospital was my son...she is my daughter. I am her Mom. Kids accept this so much more willingly than adults. My good friends daughter asked "Mommy? Did Baby M grow in Megan's tummy?" Her Mom just gave birth to her little brother, so she was an expert on tummy's and babies. I looked at my friend and she answered so eloquently, "No, honey, another Mom grew M in her tummy, but Megan is her Mommy now". And her little girl said "Okay!" and ran off to play with Casey. It hurts my heart when others ask about her real Mom. Because I'm it. We get asked a lot about the details of her Biological parents. But that is private. That is for Ryan and I to know, and someday, when M is old enough to understand, that will be for her to know. The rest of the world gets to know that we are a family, that M is our daughter, Casey is our son, and we love each other.

"Did her Mom use drugs and alcohol while she was pregnant?"
Would you ever ask a friend if they used while pregnant? I would hope not. So, why is it okay to ask me that, about my child? Why would you need to know that? And how is the answer going to matter to you? Would you think of her differently if the answer is yes? Would you think of her differently if the answer is no? What if we don't have that answer? I have been asked this so many times. It hurts a lot to hear this question. What are you implying when you ask me that? The answer to that question, whether it be YES, NO or I DON'T KNOW, has nothing to do with you. If the answer makes a difference to you, you probably don't belong in my life, or the life of my children. But it hurts my heart and my feelings every time I am asked.

"Is the adoption finalized? Is she yours yet?"
Adopting through the state takes a long time. A really long time. Private adoption is finalized nearly immediately after placement, but that is not the case in foster to adopt. A finalized adoption won't change anything but the legal paperwork. It won't make me any more of a parent, I am already her Mom. It won't make me love her more, I already love her to the moon and back. She loves me, she loves her Daddy and her big brother. A stamp of approval by a Judge is just that. And trust me, we will share that day when it comes! We will celebrate that day, it will be a BIG deal...but it may not happen for awhile. We are patient. We live our lives as a family, like any other family. We are excited to celebrate Christmas with our kids,  and to celebrate her first birthday...she is ours. She is our daughter. She is a little sister. A Granddaughter. A Great-Granddaughter. A niece. A sweet, smiling, giggling 11 month old. She is OUR daughter. I know people mean well when they ask. I don't doubt that at all. But, in our eyes, the status of the legal mumbo-jumbo doesn't determine the status of our family.

"But she doesn't look like you...."
Nope. She doesn't. And that is the extent of the answer that I give strangers. I have a fair skinned, tow head blonde, blue eyed boy. And I have a dark/olive skinned, jet black hair and beautiful brown eyed girl. They are strikingly different. They accept that, they love each other, play with each other, kiss each other and fight with each other. They are brother and sister. Casey protects his little sister (when he isn't knocking her over); he lets his friends know at school "That's MY sister, NOT YOURS!" Again, I love the innocence and acceptingness of kids. It's just pure love. And we will foster that while they are young, and hope they are the best of friends when bigger. For some reason, others seem to need a reason as to why our kids look so different, but again, our looks are not what makes us a family. Love makes a family!

So please, love M with us. Know that we are her parents. Don't ask us about her past. Don't ask us about the legal stuff. Ask us what she's up to. Ask us what her latest trick is. Ask us if we are getting any sleep. And please, don't ever refer to us as anything but her Mom and Dad.

The difference a year makes.

I realized I haven't posted in over a year. Time to make up for lost time! As I read back, I love the memories, which is inspiring me to restart a blog. With some new security, and a new child! Chances are, is you are reading this, you know my kids and I...but from now on...they will be referred to as brother and sister, rather than posting their names. Maybe if I totally figure out all the security settings that will change. This is a test....gotta see if this works beofre I go posting exciting stuff:)

Summertime and the livin is not so easy....

Well I can't believe summer is almost over. Our weather is supposed to start cooling down, and not heating back up again. Normally this would devestate me, but I think I am ready to say goodbye to this summer. It's been too busy, too stressful and too sad. A Mama can only take so much, and I am done!!!

Casey of course is still growing like a crazy weed. He was 3 feet tall today, and outgrew the Doctor's table to get measured. He is 31-32 pounds, which is down a little, as he has been sick. He is working really hard on communicating, and picks up new words and phrases all the time. This makes him really happy and excited, he loves when we understand each other.

I made my first batch of laundry soap the other day, and homemade Draino, and next on the list is dishwasher soap. We seem to run the dishwasher every single day, since we eat all our meals at home, and actually cook!! Together, we have lost 75 pounds! And more importantly, the healthy way. As the weather changes and everyone else goes back to school, I feel this nesting craze, and since I have no one to get ready for school, I am getting us ready for fall:) Lots of organizing and getting rid of stuff, cleaning, cooking and freezing meals.

Stress means Ryan needs a project, so we moved 12,300 pounds of pea gravel in the play area in one day. It looks great. Even he couldn't believe we did it that fast!

I finished up my 2nd Biggest Loser challenge, this one was 22 weeks, as opposed to 8 weeks. It was from March to August. I was in 3rd or 4th place all the way just based on percent of weight loss, but after the final measurements, I WON!!! Still waiting to collect my prize and see what it is:) The next 8 week challenge starts Sept 11. I am already signed up!

We have started the tornado of 2nd birthday parties, starting with Casey's cousins, and a friend, and now we have a few every month for the next year, lol. We know a lot of babies from me teaching prenatal water aerobics for so long:)

We are really enjoying the fresh produce this time of year.....melons galore, corn on the cob, onions, peppers, jalapenos, tomatoes, green beans, peaches, plums, nectarines and oh the berries.....I will be sad when the season ends.

Well, I have to get back to Words with Friends...so that is all I have for now. I need to come up with a good topic for the blog....

A post about ME!

I love to talk about Casey...but today, I want to brag about myself. Because I am so proud and I feel so good!

Since December I have lost 43 pounds! I have tried lots of times to lose weight, and I lose 10-15 pounds, only to gain it back again. I tried weight watchers 3 times. I tried the South Beach Diet twice.

I have it figured out. It's a lifestyle change, not a diet. It's calories in and calories out. I enjoy this. I feel so much better. I have worked really hard, and I feel strong. My endurance has increased so much. I love the outside, and I LOVE walking, hiking, biking etc. I love kickboxing, step aerobics, water aerobics and working hard!! I have a heart rate monitor that tracks my calories burned. It makes me work harder when I know my HR, and I can increase it, and watch the cals burned increased!

I got a wonderful compliment yesterday, that I have totally transformed my body:) While I still have a long ways to go, that felt really good to hear. I also got to go shopping, and bought a whole new summer wardrobe! I started selling my old clothes, because I will never need them again! I am down 3-4 sizes. It was fun to grab clothes to try on, and they all fit.

I know this is a lifestyle change, because even after surgery, I lost weight. Even after 2 weeks of traveling, and eating on the go, I lost weight. No excuses. I can do it.

I have a wonderful support system. I have a wonderful group of "Biggest Losers" from my gym. We have a facebook page and do challenges together. We encourage each other and push each other. I have my "myfitnesspal" group too. And my family, who is also a bunch of "losers". And my wonderful hubby, who continually encourages me, and reminds me that I am awesome, regardless of what I weigh. He has also lost weight, and is my favorite workout buddy. Now we have gym dates! And also, I am just a couple pounds away from weighing less than him...which has never happened as long as I have known him (4 amazing years!!).

I am looking forward to hitting my next goals. 45, then 50 pounds lost! Thanks to everyone for your support and kind words!!

I will have to post pics soon!

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day! Now there are 2 reasons to celebrate...my wonderful Mom, and the fact that I get to be a Mom to Casey.

I think becoming a Mom is the ultimate bonding between Mother and daughter. I have always been close to my Mom, my whole family, really. But, sharing experiences throughout my pregnancy, through childbirth, and now as a Mom, is just a whole new level:) And also, it is so much fun to see my Mom (and Dad of course) play with Casey! I am pretty sure my Mom takes Gramma of the century award...there are 4 very lucky little boys who call her Gramma!!

You can't read it on Casey's shirt, but the shirt he is wearing says "Dad is the boss, until Mom comes home". LOL. We had a fun family day. Still limited with my broken wing, but we walked an hour this morning. Slow and easy....it's really weird not pushing the stroller. Did a little shopping, had Subway for lunch. We took Casey to the neighborhood park this afternoon to go sliding and swinging. We made a turkey breast tenderloin in the crockpot for dinner, with potatos and asparagus. Yum! I am not the most fun person without pain meds....or with really. I am either zombie or cranky...but hopefully this arm will be back to normal soon.

I really love being Casey's Mom. He can melt my heart with a smile, a hug, a laugh....or when he comes up and holds my hand. He took his Dad's hand at the store today, than mine. He looked back and forth between us and laughed. Just precious. When I pick up Casey from daycare, I love that he runs full speed from where ever he is, shreiking and laughing and arms raised to hug me. Makes me feel pretty dang loved! Casey has been giving kisses, but he really likes open mouth kisses, pretty sloppy! He loves the dogs so much. We are working on being gentle, and petting them gently. He likes to play fetch with them. He likes all dogs he sees on our walks and points them all out.

17 months and counting

Totally missed the 16 month blog. Been pretty busy around here for sure:) Won't be long til 18months, yikes! Guess we should do some family photos....oooh wheels are turning in my head....

Back on track. My little monkey man. Busy busy child! Casey just never really slows down, although he is definitely more huggy and lovey now. He is really picking up on language and saying some cute things. Unless you speak Casey-ese, it's really hard to understand. He is still on the top of the growth charts, he is almost 30 pounds and 33.9 inches. He is blonder than blond, and cuter than cute:) No bias here of course. He went from eating everything to next to nothing, although he still loves pretty much all fruits and veggies. That's good, we can build on that. We switched daycares and are happy with his new care. It's hard to trust someone else, and we really have to do a center, as we have no family for backup here. We will rethink our options with baby #2. No, no news on that. No, you can't ask.

Casey LOVES to be outdoors. This is perfect, because so do Ryan and I:) Casey loves to go for bike rides, walks in the stroller, hikes in the pack, he loves to ride his trike, his wagon, push his trike and wagon, play basketball, play in the grass, tell the dogs what to do, go to the park, swing, play in the cul da sac (and let's be honest, the street is far more exciting). Casey plays hard and naps hard. He likes to ride his trike away from the house, but screams if you go twards, because he thinks you might take him inside:). I have to trick him into letting me push him fast, so it's a game. Casey also loves the bath, and swimming. He likes splashing:) He is a big fan of doing things himself. The spoon, the stairs, carrying his shoes, putting his cups in the sink, helping put clothes in the dryer, sweeping, mopping, wiping things with rags.....so helpful!

Well, pian meds are wearing off and it's bed time.....will update more later....

One last surgery

Well I am just ridiculously behind on my blog. No promises to change, I'll just update:) Monday I had the titanium rod out of my arm. Surely third surgery is the charm. I wasn't even going to do it, but Dr. Hazel said it would never get any better than how it was, and I think it was holding me back too much. At least now I KNOW, I have done everything possible. It's best to do the surgery while I only have one child, before summer is here, before I am elderly! All my favorite things seem to aggravate it, so now....it is gone. And man, it was huge! I can see how my arm rejected that thing! I can totally see why it was hurting! So glad it's out. And I was very lucky my Mom, Kelly and Jenna came up to help with Casey and I. Ryan was able to stay with me at the hospital and Casey got to play with his cousin:) Casey just adored his Auntie Kelly, and also the fact that the more he loved on her, the more upset his cousin got....silly monkey! How do kids learn these things?! It was a beautiful weekend pre-surgery, perfect to go to the park, have some MyFroYo, take lots of walks in the sun, and play in the pool at the gym. So Ryan and I got a "hospital date", which wasn't as fun as our first overnight date for our wedding anniversary last year. I am not much of a conversationalist when glassy eyed and morphined up. And throwing up wasn't exactly flirty. Nothing hot about an allergic reaction! I am lucky Ryan keeps me around:) I would have traded me in a long time ago.